WEDNESDAY - Lone Tree's original Hockeybutt, Hattrick, accepted the Stanley Cup on behalf of the Lone Tree Hockey Team at the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. The team was awarded the Cup for a week in May for their outstanding achievements in Senior Men's Hockey. Lone Tree players will be taking Lord Stanley's Cup to several area grade schools to help promote their Bar League and teach the kids about the wonderful benefits of alcohol.

"It starts with the kids," said Gay Player Coach Dug Hall. "First and foremost, we need to teach these young boys that it's OK to be gay. Second, that for all but a just couple of lucky bastards, most of them will end up in a bar league like ours. It's important that they don't give up on their dreams of playing no-check hockey at 11 PM on weeknights for their favorite establishments."

Current Hockeybutt recipient, Big Reiter, added, "It's fun to give back to the community that helped me get to where I'm at today. If it wasn't for the politics and my asshole coach keeping me on third line, I would have made it to the Bigs." Guy LaFloater was also on hand to help "teach the kids about the fun and excitement of binge drinking" and how saying "yes" to drugs can elevate their buzz and bring them to a "whole-nother level."

Look for the Cup - it could be coming to your neighborhood soon.